Fear Not a Mis-Fitting Size — The Laments Will Gladly Stitch Another for Free.
  • Cradle The Pig Classic Shoes - Jaded Lament
  • Cradle The Pig Classic Shoes - Jaded Lament
  • Cradle The Pig Classic Shoes - Jaded Lament
  • Cradle The Pig Classic Shoes - Jaded Lament
  • Cradle The Pig Classic Shoes - Jaded Lament
  • Cradle The Pig Classic Shoes - Jaded Lament
  • Cradle The Pig Classic Shoes - Jaded Lament
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Cradle The Pig Classic Shoes

Alice in Wonderland Canvas Classic Shoes

$95.00 USD
$99.99 USD $95.00 USD
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From the deranged tea parties of Wonderland to the deeper, stranger corners of its nursery halls, Cradle the Pig immortalizes one of Lewis Carroll’s most bizarre and quietly iconic moments: the transformation of an infant into a squealing swine. Adapted from a rare vintage illustration, these high-tops feature Alice holding the infamous pig-baby—half horrified, half tender—caught mid-cradle, mid-cringe.

The left and right panels alternate between full narrative illustrations and isolated figures, allowing you to wear the entire scene as a wearable tableau. Sepia-tinted cream canvas tones channel the yellowing pages of Victorian children's books, while the deep black accents ground the absurdity with a wink of gothic contrast.

Naturally, the Lament Archivists were obsessed. Was it a metaphor for bad parenting? A fable about abandonment? Or simply proof that Wonderland never had child protective services?

Wonders Whispered About These Wares

Powers Bestowed Upon the Possessor

Whimsy With Teeth
You wield absurdity like a blade. Laughter follows you—nervous, feral, and strangely reverent.

Guardian of the Uncanny
You’re the silent protector of odd things: pig-babies, orphaned metaphors, and truths no one dares to name.

Lullaby Disruptor
You interrupt the soft scripts of expectation. You are the squeal in the silence, the twitch in the cradle, the anomaly that rewrites the tale.

Jaded Lament Discovery Note

Jaded Lament lore claims that the Pig-Baby was not a baby at all, but a shapeshifter placed there by the Clockwork Duchess to test Alice’s capacity for mercy. She passed. Barely. But we never speak of the Gryphon’s involvement in that affair… not publicly.

Why the Laments Loved This Artifact

  • Features a vintage, full-color narrative panel from a rare Wonderland edition
  • Subverts traditional 'storybook cute' with strange, unsettling tenderness
  • Preserves the yellowed texture and ink lines of the original print
  • Juxtaposes Victorian innocence with surrealist transformation
  • Perfect for late-night philosophers, chaotic nannies, and piglets with identity crises

Adored By (and Designed For)

  • Wonderland aficionados and Carrollian collectors
  • Fans of surrealist children's book art
  • People who love their fashion with a pinch of psychological unease
  • Those who never quite trusted babies to begin with

Atmospheres Clinging to These Relics

  • Surreal tenderness
  • Nursery-goth whimsy
  • Uncanny motherhood
  • Absurdist storytelling
  • Victorian unease

These Vibes Shall Be the Emanation

These shoes are equal parts charming and off-putting. Like a lullaby played backward, they conjure that classic Carrollian blend of whimsy and wrongness. The scene is tender, yes—but the longer you look, the stranger it becomes. It’s childhood disorientation at its finest, captured in ink and canvas.

Hymns to Strengthen Thy Enchanted Relic

Lend Thine Ear, Fortify Thy Powers. Invoke these chants whilst donning thy wares, that the enchantment might seep deeper into thy bones.

(1) “Cicada” – Lael Neale
Eerie lullaby energy—soft and strange, like a nursery rhyme you’re not sure you should be hearing.

(2) “Tea Time, Alice” – Danny Elfman (Alice in Wonderland Soundtrack)
Playful, menacing, and whimsically off-kilter—perfectly matched to Wonderland’s mood swings.

(3) “Only for You” – Heartless Bastards
A fuzzy, driving track that blends love, tension, and raw instinct—like Alice cradling her squealing surprise.

(4) “Rabbit in Your Headlights” – UNKLE ft. Thom Yorke
A sonic fever dream—slow, surreal, unnerving, and poetic.

(5) “Ballad of the Broken Birdie Records” – múm
Experimental and childlike with glitchy undertones. Like a music box with something very wrong in its gears.

A crooked cradle of sound—part lullaby, part lunacy. This playlist echoes the weird warmth and disquiet of Wonderland’s lesser-told tales. It’s for those who hold strange things gently... and then question why they’re warm.

The Tedious but Necessary Bits

  • Size Sorrows Be Gone

    The Laments Shall Stitch Another Pair If Yours Don’t Fit.

    • Fits true, like fate.
    • Removable insole—should you wish to walk a softer path.
    • Crafted from premium materials, blessed and battle-ready.
    • Canvas kissed by design, grounded by a rubber sole.
    • Colors hold fast like memory—vivid, precise, unforgettable.
    • Made-to-order, conjured just for you—no two pairs walk the same world.

  • Trade Routes, Tides & Transit

    A Note from the Laments Regarding Fulfillment: Each relic is conjured upon request, hand-wrought in our faraway atelier with care befitting the Old Ways. Most emerge within 5–10 days; arrival at your threshold may span 2–3 weeks, depending on tides, tempests, or logistics beyond mortal control.

    Some parcels may arrive separately—such is the nature of enchanted logistics.

    Should you harbor questions, omens, or mere curiosities, the Laments are always listening. Reach out at will.