• The Sloth Stays Yellow Car Seat Cover - Jaded Lament
  • The Sloth Stays Yellow Car Seat Cover - Jaded Lament
  • The Sloth Stays Yellow Car Seat Cover - Jaded Lament
  • The Sloth Stays Yellow Car Seat Cover - Jaded Lament
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The Sloth Stays Yellow Car Seat Cover

(White & Pale Yellow) – For the sun-faded romantic

$89.99 USD
$109.99 USD $89.99 USD
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These celebrate the radical philosophy of slowness with reverent detail and vintage flair, featuring a botanical-era illustration of a sloth suspended in perfect, unhurried grace. Whether in black ink or sun-faded tones, each colorway transforms this gentle creature into a mythic emblem of stillness.

Etched across the outer panels, the sloth clings upside down, limbs relaxed, gaze eternal. On the inside panels, its clawed arm stretches like a natural relic, printed beside a poetic zoological passage that reads like scripture for the chronically overwhelmed:

"The Sloth, in its wild condition, spends its whole life on the trees, and never leaves them but through force or accident; and, what is more extraordinary, it lives not upon the branches, like the squirrel and the monkey..."

Offered in five distinct colorways, each version captures a different facet of the sloth’s strange power:

  • Classic Ink (Black & White) – For the vintage minimalist
  • Earthprint (White & Olive Brown) – For the naturalist dreamer
  • Soft Glow (White & Pale Yellow) – For the sun-faded romantic
  • Artifact (White & Moss Brown) – For the antique collector
  • Occult Jungle (Black & Acid Yellow) – For the jungle priest of slowness

The sloth does not move and that is why it will move you.

Free size replacement!

• True to Size
• Fit wider feet
• Removable insole
• Top quality materials
• Canvas fabric with rubber outsole
• Amazing colors & print quality
• Custom made Just For YOU!

Size Guide

Size Guide

Wonders Whispered About These Wares

Powers Bestowed Upon the Possessor

Sanctuary in Stillness — Grants the ability to create a calm, protective aura in any environment, slowing the chaos of the world around you.

Everlasting Hold — A quiet strength that allows you to cling to your chosen path, unshaken by storms or shifting tides.

Unhurried Wisdom — Deep insight that arrives not in haste, but in the patient unfolding of time, like sunlight filtering through the canopy.

Jaded Lament Discovery Note

And among the Laments? This design is near-legendary. One Lament claimed the shoes made her miss every appointment and feel good about it. Another wore them for an entire week and did nothing but stare out a window—and called it a breakthrough. A third insists they are cursed. But in a comforting way.

Why the Laments Loved This Artifact

  • Features vintage-style scientific illustrations of the sloth and its limbs
  • Includes direct zoological text, typeset like a holy field manual
  • Five unique colorways from minimalist black to acid jungle gold
  • Wearable natural history with serious mystical overtones
  • Perfect for lovers of deliberate motion, slow rebellion, and antique animalia

Adored By (and Designed For)

  • Lovers of sloths, vintage illustration, and poetic science
  • Fans of natural history prints and zoological ephemera
  • People who believe time is a suggestion
  • Slow fashion enthusiasts (literally)
  • Anyone who has ever skipped a party just to lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling

Atmospheres Clinging to These Relics

  • Sacred stillness
  • Botanical reverence
  • Slowness as resistance
  • Vintage surrealism
  • Jungle gothic

These Vibes Shall Be the Emanation

This design is a quietly brilliant shoe that transforms a humble mammal into something mythic. Through repetition, contrast, and reverence, it captures the emotional essence of slowness—not laziness, but deliberate being. The sloth here is a philosopher, a god of non-doing. These are not shoes for rushing—they are shoes for existing, deeply.

Hymns to Strengthen Thy Enchanted Relic

Lend Thine Ear, Fortify Thy Powers. Invoke these chants whilst donning thy wares, that the enchantment might seep deeper into thy bones.

Slow Burn – Kacey Musgraves
A warm, unhurried ode to taking your time, perfectly mirroring the sloth’s gentle mastery of the long game.

Holocene – Bon Iver
Expansive and reflective, evoking the vast canopy of time in which the sloth’s stillness becomes a form of cosmic presence.

Weightless – Marconi Union
Minimalist ambient textures that lower the heart rate and bring the body into the same suspended calm as the sloth.

Banana Pancakes – Jack Johnson
A breezy, good-natured invitation to slow mornings and unrushed living.

First Day of My Life – Bright Eyes
Tender and deliberate, reminding us that meaningful moments are found in stillness rather than speed.

  • The Tedious but Necessary Bits

    • Crafted from premium materials, blessed and battle-ready.
    • Colors hold fast like memory—vivid, precise, unforgettable.
    • Made-to-order, conjured just for you—no two pairs walk the same world.
    • Set of 2 custom printed car seat covers
    • Amazing colors and print quality
    • Constructed with high-quality polyester micro-fiber fabric for maximum durability and comfort
    • Add style to your seats while protecting them from spills stains, tearing, fading and more
    • Designed for quick and easy installation on most car and SUV bucket styles seats, no tools required
    • Elastic backing and fastening system ensures a snug and secure universal fit on most standard car and SUV seats
    • Not for use on seats with integrated airbags, seatbelts and or armrests
    • Will not fit on extra large bucket/ truck/ SUV seats
    • Care instructions: Remove the cover from the car seat. Hand-wash using cold water and mild soap. Don't use bleach or washing machine. Lie flat or line to dry. Don't use the dryer or iron the cover.

  • Trade Routes, Tides & Transit

    A Note from the Laments Regarding Fulfillment: Each relic is conjured upon request, hand-wrought in our faraway atelier with care befitting the Old Ways. Most emerge within 5–10 days; arrival at your threshold may span 2–3 weeks, depending on tides, tempests, or logistics beyond mortal control.

    Some parcels may arrive separately—such is the nature of enchanted logistics.

    Should you harbor questions, omens, or mere curiosities, the Laments are always listening. Reach out at will.